this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
