He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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