Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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