If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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