so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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