I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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