I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why do cheetos always look like penises
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
