Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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