dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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