my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
