you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
