Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
