he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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