just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
