The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
