AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize