You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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