I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
