I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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