The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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