My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
