no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
