when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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