I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
