there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
