I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
