i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize