Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize