1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
