I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
