Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
