everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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