Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
