I think I am morally bankrupt
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
