k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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