I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
