you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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