i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it glows. i had to have it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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