You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
