Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
