PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
