He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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