I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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