Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
