Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
