dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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