gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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