Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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