Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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