How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
