I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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