So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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