I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
