sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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