i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
