I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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