Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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