Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
