forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
