I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
