My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
