this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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