My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
