the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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