Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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