I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
