Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
