No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
