I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
