I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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