i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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