She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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