Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
