Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
